Be Ruthless For Your Well-being

Happy New Year. Welcome to 2020. I hope you had a great holiday season and you're rested, rejuvenated, and feeling pumped about making big things happen in your music career in 2020.

Normally I'd start the year off by talking about setting goals, and about having a vision for yourself for the year. But I want to talk about something that's even more fundamental to you achieving your goals, but that I never hear discussed in relation to it.

I recently saw a Facebook post by a young woman named Holly Butcher. This was her final post, 24 hours before she died of cancer. She was only 27 years old. Her post was an incredible manifesto for a fulfilling life. It’s that much more poignant because she died so tragically young. There is so much wisdom in Holly's post that I couldn't possibly cover it all here, so I'll post a link to it. It's well worth your time to read. But there was one particular comment that Holly made that really captured my attention. She said to be ruthless for your own well-being.

Every day we face an assault on our well-being from multiple sources. We get bombarded by the media, by social media with these images of perfect lives and perfect bodies that we think we have to live up to. You might have people in your life who aren't supportive of your dream to be a successful musician; they tell you to be realistic, to grow up, to get a “real” job. Sometimes the assault on our well-being comes from within. You might be putting yourself down, constantly telling yourself that you're not good enough, you're not talented enough, you're not attractive enough, who am I to do this? There are assaults on our physical well-being; poor diet, lack of exercise, over-reliance on stimulants, inadequate sleep, high levels of stress.

Why am I talking about well-being in relation to achieving your goals?

Because if you have don't have well-being, if you are depressed, have low self-esteem, lack of confidence, you feel physically run down, you won't be inspired to even dream big enough to have a vision for your life in the first place.

You'll think, “what's the point? I could never do that anyway.” You'll keep yourself small. If by some miracle you do have the audacity to dream big, without well-being you won't be motivated to make it a reality.

If you're not taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you won't be consistently taking the action steps you need to take to achieve your goals.

You'll be crippled by self-doubt. You won't have the discipline to create productive habits that move you forward.

You won't take action because you'll be so paralysed by the fear of failure or making a mistake and being criticised or humiliated. You won't have enough self-esteem to realise that you can cope with whatever criticism or ridicule comes your way.

You'll feel so tired and run down that you won't have the energy to do the things every day that move you closer to your goals, especially in those early stages where you're still working your day job while you're getting your music business to the point of making a sustainable income.

You won't be able to focus and be productive.

You won't be resilient when you encounter setbacks and challenges.

You won't be relentless, driven, or tenacious enough to see it through. You'll give up easily.

You won't be willing to spend the money and make investments in yourself because you won't think you're worth it.

This week I invite you to take inventory of those areas where your well-being is under assault.

Write out a list. And then ask yourself how you can be ruthless for your own well-being in that situation.

Do you need to distance yourself from toxic people who aren't supportive and who tear you down? Do you need to unfollow social media accounts that make you feel inferior because of the Photoshopped perfection they present as real life?

Do you need to stop reading or watching the news because it depresses you?

Do you need to be kinder to your body; to get more sleep; to eat high-quality food that nourishes your body; to stop relying on sugar or caffeine or alcohol to get you through the day or to make you feel “normal?”

Do you need to learn to regulate your emotions so that you don't get triggered by other people or situations?

Do you need to put aside time just for you that's sacred where you don't allow any intrusions or interruptions? Do you need to say no to requests from other people more often?

You might think that's selfish or self-indulgent. Maybe you've got a partner or family who depend on you. This is one instance where it's OK to be selfish. What do they say in safety demonstrations on aeroplanes? They say put on your own oxygen mask first before you help someone else put theirs on. Why do they say that? Because you're no good to anyone if you've passed out from oxygen deprivation.

If your well is empty, you can't draw water out for other people to drink. You need to fill your well first. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. You need to make yourself strong first so that you can give from a place of strength rather than from a place of weakness. Otherwise, it's not sustainable. You burn out.

Ultimately you do more damage because when someone wants something from you, you feel resentful. You might still do it for them, but it's not done out of love and generosity but out of obligation. Or you get easily triggered by something they say or do because you aren't regulating your own emotions and you expect them to make you happy, and so you get into fights.

So this year, I give you permission to be ruthless for your own well-being. It's the most important thing you can do in your life. Everything else flows from there.