Realising Your Worthiness & Self-Esteem Through Gratitude
My birthday was last week and I did something really unusual: I actually celebrated it.
It was the first time in 15 or 16 years that I actually celebrated my birthday. I went out for dinner with my closest friends and I just felt really blessed to be able to spend that time in the company of the people who light me up the most.
I think the reason why I haven't celebrated it for so long is because I didn't feel there was anything to celebrate. I didn't feel like I was worthy. Like I hadn't accomplished enough for my life to be worthy of celebrating. Like I hadn't justified my right to exist. I still had something to prove.
I drive myself very hard. I push myself more than most other people. And I think that's mostly because I feel like I've had to justify my existence. I think many of us, whether we're artists or not, have that same problem or that same drive. We're looking for recognition, acknowledgement or validation. Ultimately we're looking for love. We want people to love our music and to love our art because then, by extension, they're loving us.
The problem with that is if people don't love our art, then we feel unloved by extension. We take it personally. We feel rejected. Our self-esteem is diminished. So if you're looking for that validation, for that extrinsic gratification, for love from external sources, it's always going to be unreliable. Your self-esteem is going to be very unstable because people will disappoint you at times. It also means that the core motivation for our art comes from this sense of lack, this neediness, because you're looking for love and validation and acceptance.
Our society judges the value of a person by their productivity and achievement, and for many years I believed that. Don't ever think that just because not everyone likes your music, or because you haven't made it big yet, that your life doesn't have value
There's a trap in basing your self-esteem on something external, on making other people responsible for your self-esteem. So many people are miserable in their romantic relationships because they hold their partner responsible for their happiness. You want to be self-sufficient and fill your own tank.
The best way to do that is through gratitude. If you think your life sucks and you're having trouble thinking of something you can be grateful for, start with this: you're alive. It's almost impossible to feel depressed or to have low self-esteem when you're grateful for being alive.
We think we have to justify our existence with a purpose or achievement. You were given existence and you do NOT need to justify your existence. Existence itself esteems you because you exist. Just let existence justify itself and base your self-esteem on your existence.
Scientists have figured out that the odds of you being alive are 1 in 400 trillion. Those odds are so mind-bogglingly astronomically against you being here that there's no way that you can be a mistake. You're not an accident. It’s not random or happenstance that you’re here. You have inherent value as a human being because you're alive. Something loved you enough to give you the gift of life. Regardless of whatever else is happening in your life, whatever challenges or hardships or negativity, no matter how dark it gets, you can still be grateful that you are loved so deeply that you have been given the gift of life. What greater gift is there? As long as you're alive, there is hope.
It's taken me a long time and a lot of work to get to that point where I can just be grateful to be alive. It's not always easy. Over the last 4 years, I've dealt with a chronic illness and at times I was seduced by self-pity. I spiralled into depression and went deeper into the abyss of despair.
It's very easy to get caught up in the daily distractions of modern life and to forget how much of a gift it is to be alive. You don't just make the decision once to be grateful and then you're automatically grateful and have high self-esteem all the time. You have to make gratitude a practice, preferably a daily practice. That was the turning point for me.
Don't let a day go by where you don't remind yourself of what an extraordinary gift you've been given. You've got so much to be grateful for. You're alive. Your life has inherent value. You are deeply loved. You're worthy of that love. You're enough. Celebrate your life. Everyday.