Discomfort, Transformation & Achieving Your Goals
We artists are dreamers. We have fertile, active imaginations and big dreams and goals.
Usually, when we have a goal, it's not actually the goal itself that we want: it's what the goal does for us. It's who we become by pursuing the goal. Ultimately what we really want is to have a transformation.
If we're going through the time and effort to work toward a goal, we want to make sure it's worth it and make a big transformation, so we need to dream big. Your goal should be big enough that it makes you nervous and uncomfortable; it should push you to the edge of your comfort zone. Change and transformation only happen when you're at the edge of your comfort zone and slightly beyond it.
Part of my role as a coach is to push people to the edge of their comfort zone; not just for the sake of feeling discomfort, but because you realise you've been playing small in some way and that you have a higher potential, and help you go further than you think is possible. If your goal is too safe, if it's within your grasp, you don't have to move to the edge of your comfort zone, and you don't grow or go through that transformation.
You're pushed to the edge of your comfort zone because you realise that what you were doing isn't working anymore to get the results you want, and it will be hard because you have to leave behind your comfort and things that are important to you to go on to this new thing that is more valuable.
A lot of people never achieve their dreams because they haven't realised that they're going to have to go through a transformation and go to the edge of their comfort zone. And as they get closer to the edge of their comfort zone, of course, they start experiencing discomfort. Because they're not prepared for that discomfort, they feel like something is going wrong. So rather than pressing on, they stop and retreat. They sabotage their progress because they don't like that feeling of discomfort.
When you're going through a transformation there's a critical moment when you can see where you need to go, you can see some of the benefits of going to the next level, but you also feel really safe and attached to your current level. It looks like you're going to lose much more from the current level than you're going to gain at the next level. You feel trapped: you can't go back because it doesn't make sense, and you don't want to go forward because it feels too dangerous. This is the transformational dilemma.
The transformational dilemma is a crucible: it forms and shapes you. It has a huge transformational effect because you have to make decisions to move forward that have huge implications for your life.
You might have to leave behind certain behaviours, activities, beliefs, values, attitudes, mindsets, things, places, and even people. You can't keep holding onto these things and have that transformation and become the person you want to be. It's only by letting go of them that you free yourself up to move forward. You have to let go of things that no longer serve you.
The choice is between the frying pan or the fire. It feels like a crisis. But crisis and opportunity are two sides of the same coin. Every crisis is actually an opportunity to transcend and go to the next level.
This quote by the philosopher A.H. Almaas has been really inspiring and helpful to me in my journey over the last couple of years. It’s really helped me to reframe the ideas of the comfort zone, crisis, opportunity, and transformation.
“The problematic situations in your life are not chance or haphazard. They are specifically yours, designed specifically for you by a part of you that loves you more than anything else. The part of you that loves you more than anything else has created roadblocks to lead you to yourself. Without something pricking you in the side, saying, “Look here! This way!” you are not going to go the right direction. The part of you that designed this loves you so much that it doesn’t want you to lose the chance. It will go to extreme measures to wake you up, and it will make you suffer greatly if you don’t listen. What else can it do? That is its purpose. How much suffering and difficulty it brings you is immaterial in relation to the fulfillment and satisfaction you will have when you actually struggle and see the fruits of the struggle.”
When you start feeling discomfort, instead of feeling like it's wrong and you should stop or you have to do something about it, you can relax and go through your discomfort knowing you can acclimate and adjust to it, you can get through it and you're exactly where you're supposed to be on your journey to becoming the person you want to be.
Remember: everything your heart desires most is on the other side of your fear and your discomfort.