How To Move Past Your Biggest Fear

Fear is one of the most powerful forces in our lives.

As we're working towards our goals, we have to get into new environments, go through new experiences, have new relationships, and learn new things. This means that we're often outside of our comfort zone because we're dealing with unfamiliarity and uncertainty. We're taking a risk and leaving security behind.

As a result, we feel a lot of fear. This fear becomes resistance that stops us from moving forward. We get stuck because of our fear. We don't take action on our dreams and goals because of our fear.

We want to notice when this fear or resistance comes up and stops us from taking action. It's critical to pay attention to our fear and resistance because it gives us clues about how to get leverage on ourselves so we can take action more consistently.

When we're working toward our goal, there's usually one biggest fear or worst-case scenario we have that paralyses us. The reason why our biggest fear is so paralysing is because we don't think we could handle it. And we don't think we could handle it because the fear usually isn't clearly defined. We don't like to think about it, so we bury it at the back of our brains. It's hiding in the shadows, and so we can't see it clearly, and we're much more scared because we don't know what we're dealing with. The scariest part of horror movies is when you can't see the monster, the ghost, or the serial killer. Once you bring your fear out of the shadows by shining a light on it, by noticing it, by defining it more clearly, you can get a better sense of how big a problem it would be and your capacity to handle it. It's really powerful to expose your fear to the cold light of day.

I want to give you a simple exercise you can do to help get past your biggest fear so you can start taking action and moving closer to your goal. There are 3 questions to this:

1. What is your biggest fear, your worst-case scenario?

Is it making a mistake? Is it feeling nervous performing in front of an audience, forgetting or stumbling over words? Is it being criticised? Is it being ridiculed; feeling embarrassed or humiliated? Is it that no one pays any attention to what you're doing?

2. What would happen if your biggest fear came true? What would the fallout be?

3. Could you handle it if that happened?

The answer is yes, of course, you can handle it. This is a matter of self-confidence. Remember, confidence comes from the word confide. To confide means to trust. To have self-confidence means to trust yourself to be able to handle the consequences of your decisions.

So, can you trust yourself to handle your biggest fear? Yes, you can trust yourself to handle it. Why? If you're reading this, there's a reasonable possibility that you're not dead. That means you've managed to keep yourself alive so far. There's no greater trust than to trust someone with your life because your life is the most valuable thing you have. The greatest threat you can face is something that threatens your life. Any fear you're having that's not life-threatening pales in comparison.

Your greatest fear around taking action to achieve your goals, as scary and overwhelming as it might seem, is probably not life-threatening. That means that you can trust yourself to handle it. Looking at your biggest fear and knowing that you're going to be OK can help you take the next step forward.

I've had to deal with a lot of fear and resistance as I transitioned into coaching. My biggest fear is that I don't know enough. I don't have enough experience. I can't help my clients get the results they want. I'm not good enough to do this. I can't live up to people's expectations. So if someone hired me and I couldn't help them get the results they wanted, they'd be angry and that would lead to a confrontation. Then they'd post all over the internet that I'm a fraud and a rip-off merchant who takes advantage of people and to avoid me. Could I handle that if it happened? It would really suck and be really hard, but yes I could handle it. It's not life-threatening.

Remembering where you've coped in the past can help too. Remember a time or situation in your life that was really challenging. Maybe it was a relationship breakup, or a severe health problem, or you went broke or bankrupt, or someone you loved died. What was that like? I bring this up because it's proof that you can handle your biggest fear. It was probably really unpleasant or stressful. You might have some scars from the experience, but you're still alive. You got through that situation. So you've got a track record of success as evidence that you can handle your biggest fear moving forward.

And the worst-case scenario almost never happens. Think back to a situation in your life where you felt a lot of fear. What was the worst-case scenario you imagined? Did that actually eventuate? Probably not. For all of the horrible outcomes we imagine, they almost never play out that way.

This week I invite you to ask yourself what your biggest fear or worst-case scenario is, that's stopping you from taking action and moving forward. What would happen if that came true? And could you handle that if it happened?